Filed under: Acceptance, Beliefs | Tags: changing beliefs, gay comic, gay lifestyle, harmful prejudice, religion, shunned, Wanda Sykes
Once you’ve been enmeshed in a narrow, cult-like religion, it can take years to fully break-free from passé convictions, unexamined assumptions, and harmful prejudices. It’s been sixteen years since I left organized religion and I’m still discovering old beliefs housed in the deep recesses of my brain, waiting to be uncovered and re-assessed. I have comedienne, Wanda Sykes, to thank for my latest insight.
This past weekend, my husband and I watched Wanda’s latest HBO special. You may have heard that she “came out” as a lesbian last year, and she told some pretty blunt and hilarious jokes about that. I was slapping my knee through her whole set.
When I was a Witness, it would have been considered unwise and unacceptable to be entertained by a gay comic. I was taught (and had accepted) from childhood that homosexuality is a sin, a violation of the natural order. Being gay is considered a choice—a tendency to be conquered—through diligent prayer and bible study. You can’t be gay and remain in the religion. We didn’t go so far as to teach that AIDS was evidence of God’s vengeance, but (sadly) I did believe the disease was a natural outcome of disobeying divine law. (“You will reap what you sow,” say’s the Lord.)
I left that religion over differences with many core doctrines, and later grew impatient with any God that cared about what I did in my bedroom. If there was a God, I figured he had more important things to worry about. In time I became friends with a wonderful lesbian couple, Kim and Julie. Kim described coming out to her family and how they had disowned her. I felt a kinship with her since my own family had also shunned me over moral issues. I was touched by the shared humanity of our experience. Over the years, I’ve basked in supportive relationships with many gay friends and shared a few cold beers with them in gay bars. I believe in equal rights for all and support gay marriage with my voice and my vote.
But it took Wanda Sykes to wake me up, yet more, and make me aware of one last vestige of faulty thinking I held about homosexuality. She glowed as she spoke of her French wife and twins, and then wound the narrative round to the concept of choice. “Imagine me gathering my courage and sitting my parents down to announce, ‘Mom, (long pause) I think I’m black,’ and Mom says, ‘Maybe it’s just a phase,’ or ‘I warned you about hanging out with those black friends of yours—now they’ve talked you into being black too.’
My husband cracked up, and I heard a lightning bolt of stunned awareness crackle between my ears. Did I choose my green eyes and white skin? No! And yet, after all these years I still believed what I’d been taught, that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice, like choosing to live at the ocean instead of in a city high rise. I’m embarrassed to admit this. I am socially liberal—live and let live. But it wasn’t until I was directly challenged through humor, that I re-visited and released yet another antiquated notion. Voila, another light shined on a dark corner, vanquishing thoughts of separation.
Thanks, Wanda. I needed that.
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